


Inevitability

by orphan_account



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Animals, Canonical Character Death, Fake Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:18:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiyoko has a nightmare and is woken up by a thunderstorm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inevitability

Hiyoko tossed her homework aside, not looking to see where it landed. She tried to pay attention in class, she really did, but her thoughts kept straying to...certain other things. She ended up barely taking in any of the lesson, and after about two hours of puzzling over the work she was assigned, Hiyoko just decided to give up. She tumbled into her bed of straw and closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

Unluckily for her, no such thing happened. Her mind searched for nice, peaceful things to think about--like udon, or soft clothes, maybe she could make up a dream scenario involving her favorite pairing from Cake Shop Rhythm! Legendary Sweet Sisters, those things usually worked--but some way or another, she ended up thinking about the exact thing that had been tormenting her during the day.

Ryouta was losing weight. It was getting more and more obvious by the day. Hiyoko couldn't just tell him to start eating more food, and after all, she knew the reason behind the problem. She didn't blame him. The exact same thing happened last year, so she would just have to keep calm, wait for winter to end, and keep close watch on Ryouta to make sure everything stayed perfectly fine. That was it. And of course everything would stay fine, like always. Everything was always fine. Perfectly fine. Hiyoko was fine. Why wouldn't she be?

With extreme difficulty, she forced her thoughts away from the subject. Those weren't good things to be thinking about at night, when she had to be at school tomorrow. Instead of trying to think of calming things, Hiyoko simply tried to think of nothing at all. It wasn't the most effective strategy for soothing herself to sleep, but it was better than thinking about...that. She tossed and turned for an immeasurable amount of time before finally, finally drifting off into slumber.

_...and then she's standing in a hospital room and Ryouta's mother is lying on the bed and the heart monitor's tone is flat, and Ryouta has gone quiet but Hiyoko knows that Ryouta thinks she's dead but she can't be and Hiyoko is listing off all the reasons why but Ryouta isn't believing it she knows he's not believing it and the reasons are getting more and more ridiculous every single minute she spends staring at her still body and she's dead she's dead Hiyoko knows she's dead but maybe if she keeps saying all the possible and impossible reasons why she can't be then she won't be and why isn't Ryouta saying a word? He must be in shock, he must not be listening to a word she's saying, and Hiyoko turns her head and looks at him and he's barely there just a little wisp of a thing and his eyes are sunken into his skull and almost all of his feathers are gone he's dead he's dead Hiyoko knows he's dead_

_and she didn't do her job. And she didn't protect him. He was such a weak, fragile thing and she was big and strong, and she didn't do her job. After spending all of her life wanting to protect someone, she couldn't do it. And yet again, the people she loved the most were gone in the blink of an eye._

_...but then she's back. She's back with the gunshots ringing in her ears and the smoke stinging her eyes and Ryouta is right behind her and she can hear the children screaming as they die, and she hears her parents' pleading voices, but this time she knows what's going to happen and she starts running towards them she's going to save them this time and they're going to be together and everything is going to be okay, but it's like she's running in slow-motion while the rest of the world is in fast-forward and she's not going to be able to get to them this time either she's not going to be able to protect them but she's so close and she can hear the children screaming she can hear the sirens blaring she can hear her parents pleading this is her last chance she wants to save them she needs to save them she's so close she's so close the human is already pointing the gun at them but Hiyoko is almost there_

_but she doesn't know what she's going to do, she realizes. How is she going to save them? Is she just going to push them out of the way? No, no, she's just nine right now, her little body's not strong enough for that. But she has to save them. She can't just stay there and watch it happen again and not save them not when she's so close not when she can hear them screaming and now she's there and they're going to die but what is she going to do how is she going to save them_

_maybe it should be her instead?_

...and a deafening _**BOOM.**_

Hiyoko woke up, sticky with sweat. She was shaking and her heart was pounding, she was still struggling to realize that she had just come out of a dream--

_**BOOM.** _

She shrieked and darted up, her breathing labored and heavy. It took more than a few moments of trembling in fear before reality came back to her, and she realized that she could hear the steady beat of rain onto the cave floor. Hiyoko swore under her breath, and stood up on shaky legs. She begrudgingly moved everything into the back of her cave, having learned just how much damage rain can do many years ago.

Hiyoko knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so she simply sat down on one of her raggedy cushions and looked at the screen of her phone. 4:00 AM. So, she had gotten five hours of sleep. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. She's had nightmares many times before that left her with an hour of sleep, give or take a few minutes. No matter how long the nightmares lasted, they usually left her feeling dead tired afterwards, but very surprisingly, this one left her wide awake.

Hiyoko attempted to pull her mind from the thought of her dream as she had pulled her mind from thoughts of Ryouta before she went to sleep, but the torment was here to stay this time. As she stared out of the mouth of the cave, absent-mindedly watching the bushes outside wave in the harsh wind, she thought about Ryouta's terrible fear of thunderstorms. She wondered if he was still asleep, or if he was awake just like she was.

_**BOOM.** _

It was less a shriek this time and more a loud, sudden whimper, like that of a dog whose tail had been stepped on. Hiyoko hugged her knees, her entire body pulsing with fear. Only then did she become acutely aware of just how cold it was, with the wind blowing into the cave on top of the normal winter cold. She shivered violently, and knew there was a moth-bitten blanket in one of the storage bins, but for some reason, she couldn't will herself to get up and get it.

_**CRASH.** _

A whine. Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes, and her attempt to hold them back failed. There was no one there to see her, but she felt ashamed nonetheless. The light from her phone's screen glinted at the edge of her blurred vision. For a brief moment, Hiyoko considered calling Ryouta. No, the fear in her voice would be too difficult to hide. She would have to text him. Maybe she could ask him if he was okay, and act like she texted him because she was worried. Yes, that might work. She reached for the phone.

_**CRACK.** _

No sound escaped her this time, but she bit down very hard on her tongue. After hesitating for a moment, she withdrew her hand. Ryouta didn't need to be bothered. She would deal with these things alone, as she always did. Even if this had never happened before, it would surely pass in time. Hiyoko wasn't afraid of thunderstorms.

_**BOOM.** _

Everything will be fine, as always. Hiyoko is fine. It'll all be over soon. She isn't scared.

_**CRASH.** _

Hiyoko wasn't crying. Hiyoko got over these things a long, long time ago. Ryouta's the one who was afraid of thunderstorms. Hiyoko heard only echoing thunder, not echoing screams. Hiyoko was always happy. Always optimistic in the face of despair. Hiyoko was an inspiration, someone to look up to. Hiyoko was strong. Hiyoko wasn't scared. Hiyoko wasn't scared of anything. Hiyoko didn't hear gunshots and screams as the thunder clapped, what are you talking about? Hiyoko didn't see the image of the people she loved most dying, vanishing before anyone even knew what was happening, clear as if she was still there. That's just silly.

_**SCREEEEEEEEEECH.** _

For once, that wasn't the sound of thunder, but the sound of Hiyoko raking her nails across a smooth part of the cave floor. Her breathing was getting more and more irregular. The wind had only gotten stronger and she was so, so cold. She couldn't feel her feet. She saw the phone, and thought of Ryouta again. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to make sure he was alright. She wondered to make sure he was still there, that he wasn't like the horrible, horrible image her mind had conjured up, that he wasn't just a wisp of a thing with skin stretched over bones and eyes sunken into his skull and so many patches of missing feathers.

_**CRACK.** _

Hiyoko understood why Ryouta is afraid of thunderstorms. After all, he was there too. She forgot that sometimes. He probably didn't. Why did Ryouta tag along with her to that godforsaken place, anyway? Why did he always follow her around, even after that? Why did he never once show any sign of wanting to get away from her, even with how awfully she behaved for so many years after the incident?

She blinked, and rubbed her eyes with a shaky hand. What had brought her out of her stupor? The light from the phone burned a black spot in her vision, and she looked away, towards the mouth of the cave. It was raining hard, with no sign of letting up soon. Hiyoko thought of covering her ears with pillows until the thunder stopped, but before she could reach for one, she heard a faint sound through the rain. The sound of something walking.

The hairs on her neck stood up, and she stiffened. There were many, many more inhabitants of the wilderness than just her, so she was used to the sounds they made as they lived their day-to-day lives. But not all of those creatures were friendly, and no matter how big or small the creature, Hiyoko knew whenever something was headed in her direction. Hiyoko got up and retreated to a shadowy corner, halberd at the ready in case it was something she couldn't handle with her bare hands. Where did she get that halberd, anyway? Even she didn't remember.

As the footsteps drew closer and closer, she could tell that it wasn't horribly big, but not small enough to trifle with either. Hiyoko gritted her teeth in anticipation, hoping for a fight, or at least something to distract her from thoughts of her nightmare. The creature slinked in, it's claws making small _click, click, clicks_ on the cave floor.

_**CRASH.** _

Hiyoko jumped, and so did whatever was in her cave. The sound and accompanying flash of light was sudden, and the momentary fright was enough to send the creature skittering further into her cave. The two of them locked eyes. It was a jackal.

She sighed, somewhat with relief and somewhat with disappointment, as she returned to the cushion she was sitting on. "What are you doing here? I thought you all left for the winter." The jackal proceeded to simply stare at her from across the cave in response. Hiyoko raised her eyebrows. "I would think you're from a different pack entirely, but you don't seem _too_ frightened of me." She considered going over and attempting to pet the jackal, but decided that would be a bad idea. Some members of the pack were less tolerating of her touch than others, and Hiyoko didn't quite like the idea of having her fingers bitten off due to her slowed reaction time.

"I hope you aren't planning on staying too long!" She yawned, and the jackal finally stopped looking at her. They both stared at the mouth of the cave as the rain poured down. Hiyoko made a mental note to watch her food stores closely.

"Were you left behind?" Hiyoko thought she could see it's ear twitch, but it didn't react to her voice otherwise. She didn't mind. Just talking to something made her feel a little better, somehow. "You can stay around here, if you want. Prey isn't exactly as plentiful as it is during spring, but there might be enough for the both of us to get by, as long as you aren't greedy. After all, I have a lot of meat stored for myself."

_**CRACK.** _

She clenched her fists tightly, and the jackal started staring at her again. After she had calmed down again, Hiyoko stared right back. "I know I'm ravishing and all, but I'm not really into jackals." It blinked. Now that she really looked it over, she realized that it was sopping wet and shivering slightly. She was reminded yet again of how cold the cave was. "I'm trusting you a lot right now, you know! My entire life may just be riding on the fact that you won't be tempted to eat me while I'm-" Afraid. She almost admitted that she was afraid.

_**BOOM.** _

As she bit down on her tongue for the second time, Hiyoko realized that there was no use denying it at this point. Suddenly, she felt more pathetic, and exhausted, than ever. At least she wasn't quite alone, and there was something else to do than stare at her phone and shriek at thunder all night. She heard the sound the jackal's claws made as it lied down. Finally, Hiyoko managed to muster up the energy to dig the moth-bitten blanket out of whatever storage bin she had stuffed it in when spring came last year. Hiyoko glanced towards the canine lying in the opposite corner of her cave, cautiously watching her move around. Maybe she could lay the blanket down, and hope the jackal eventually decided to sleep on it? Somehow, she thought that wouldn't work, and she couldn't just throw the blanket on top of the poor thing.

Eventually, Hiyoko realized that it was no use trying to get a wild animal to do what she wanted, and decided she'd just use it on herself. Her highest priority was to keep herself from freezing, and while she felt sorry for her fellow pack member, it wasn't like the jackal was a cherished pet. Besides, it might have been driven from the pack for some awful reason. Who knew that it hadn't turned on the rest of the jackals, and therefore it would make her a disgraceful excuse for an honorary jackal by protecting it?

She picked up her halberd and laid it across the bin where she stored her food, hoping that would prevent the canine from opening it. Finally, Hiyoko lied down on the makeshift bed and threw the blanket over herself. Sleeping while the jackal was still there didn't bother her. Hiyoko could fight a whole pack of jackals, so of course she could handle one that had a bit of a head start.

_**CRACK.** _

Hiyoko yelped and began to shake even more violently than she had been. Tucking the blanket in tight around herself, she closed her eyes and tried to think about something, anything, but what she knew she was going to think about.

He was a bird and she was a human. Of course they were. That's just how it was, and she had never given it more than a second of thought. But even though some birds lived much longer than they did all those years ago, rock doves don't live as long as humans do. Not nearly as long. Hiyoko would outlive Ryouta whether he wasted away from sickness or not, and that's simply a fact.

She was too mentally and physically exhausted for the crashing wave of sadness that would have broken over her any other time she thought of this. Instead, the sadness settled itself comfortably in her stomach, feeling like a block of lead and not going away no matter what Hiyoko did.

As she attempted to focus her ears on the calming sound of the rain, she realized the jackal had moved closer to her. Not within arm's reach, but close enough so that she could hear it's sleepy breathing. The sound and the closeness of the animal comforted her somehow, and the weight in her stomach lightened as she calmed down. But inevitably, her thoughts drifted back to the thing that had been tormenting her.

Except this time, she simply resigned herself to it. Hiyoko was so very tired. When Mrs. Kawara died, which she would, maybe in one month, or maybe in one year, or maybe in two years, Hiyoko was going to cry. It was going to be awful, absolutely horrible, and it might take a much, much larger toll on Ryouta than it would on her. After all, he might have seen the same horrors at that godforsaken place as she did, but he had never lost a family member. But even then, life would go on. It's not as if the very planet itself would stop moving. A hole would be left in their hearts forever, yes, but they'd keep living. Maybe, when Hiyoko and Ryouta have experienced the same thing, they might even understand each other a little better.

And then, in twenty or twenty-five or thirty-years' time, Ryouta would die. That's just how it was. But, as impossible as it felt, as unimaginable as it was to her in that moment, the world would keep turning then, too. Nothing would be quite the same again, and there was very little chance of there ever being a day that would pass without missing him. But still, she would keep on living until the end of her absurdly long human lifespan, because that's what Ryouta would want her to do.  
But until then, they have a lot of time. Much, much time. Even when the time comes for it to end, she won't regret it one bit. How could she ever regret it?

As she finally drifted off to sleep, the thunder clapped once more in the distance. She barely even noticed.

**Author's Note:**

> i originally wasn't going to post this anywhere, but i just got made an ao3, so please enjoy this fic i wrote and edited 4 days apart at 3 am-6 am each time
> 
> this is the first fanfiction i've posted to any site in about four years and the only half decent one i've posted ever rip


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